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How to get my boyfriend to respect my decision?
Okay, so I know there are a lot of things that influence whether a relationship can go bad or wrong such as religious beliefs and political beliefs. Steve and I have been together for 3 years and I thought we worked out most of those issues but a big one came to light recently. Abortion.
We have talked about one day getting married but for some reason kids never came up. I had a pregnancy scare recently and although very VERY VERY off in the future I may decide I want kids, i'm no where near ready. When I told him that if I was pregnant I wanted to get an abortion, he objected. He told me he isn't ready for kids either but if I were to fall pregnant he would want me to keep it.
I wanted to think I could do it for him... but I can't. I felt sick to my stomach and even replused when I found out.
I was a bit of a whore in high school and I had one and so I always take precautions to not fall pregnant. Several forms of bc. He thinks ill suffer emotional tramua but I had no regrets then and I know I won't later. I thought we would have time to work this issue out before we got married and I don't think i'll have another scare but just in case I dont want it to cause issues. I found out he is going to propose and i'm estatic. However if i somehow were to become pregnant, I wouldn't want this to ruin my marriage. I have so much going on in life that I dont see a possibility of me wanting a kid for at least 5 years. How can I get him to understand my point of view just in case?
4 réponses
- ?Lv 5il y a 6 ansRéponse favorite
If he is against abortion then I doubt you will, that just may be his opinion that he thinks it is wrong. Guys can never understand the utter sickness of thinking you are pregnant when you dont want them or are not ready, I completely understand how you feel, I dont want kids and got pregnant when i was in an abusive relationship and made a decision to have a termination, now the thought of ever happening again terrifies me.
Instead of panicking about it happening explain to him how important (and tell him this is beyond important) that you do not have an unplanned pregnancy - stress this to him that this is something that would ruin the relationship it is that important for you. That way he wont feel obliged to encourage you to have unprotected sex . At the end of the day he doesnt have to understand your point of view - it would be helpful if he could but at the end of the day what you do is your decision not his, and if it does happen do not feel obliged to have a kid for someone else because you may end up resenting it.
Why dont you look at long term contraceptives like the coil, they insert it and you dont have to worry about missing pills or buying condoms for 5 years. Work hard on ensuring you are always protected instead of thinking of the worst - however it is sensible that you have had this conversation with him, but just dont let it ruin your relationship
- ?Lv 5il y a 6 ans
Abortion is never a good idea. Abortions can indeed sometimes give physical complications and problems with future pregnancies such as miscarriages being more likely.
A lot of real guilt and shame often can come with an abortion though sometimes it can be buried deep in denial. Perhaps it is for this reason that many relationships end not too long after an abortion is done. If you had an abortion it would threaten your marriage. If you had a baby, it would bring you closer together. The heart changes usually once the baby arrives.
The other day a girl on Yahoo Answers commented that she could not stop crying ever since she had her abortion.
Someone else shared, “My sister had an abortion at 21 and she said it haunts her and she has dreams of a three yr old boy! (it’s been three yrs).”
And another said, “I had the procedure done two days ago and i regret it deeply. I just keep crying and want the baby back. I just keep having all these what if thoughts about the fetus I aborted and i just feel horrible. I should of kept it and now i just don’t know how to cope with the decision I made.”
Someone else posted, “ I have a lot of guilt and regret about the abortion... I wanted it, but felt like I didn't have another option. That I took the easy way out because I didn't have the guts to stand up to everyone and do it on my own.”
Another girl on Yahoo Answers recently wrote, "I was 9 weeks pregnant and had an abortion a couple of days ago. I had a medical abortion where they brought on a miscarriage and I had to use toilet pans when I needed the toilet so they could examine everything. I saw the tiny fetus just laying there perhaps just over an inch long. It actually broke my heart and it's been haunting me with regret ever since. My boyfriend came in the room because I screamed and he saw it as well and he's been extremely sad about it.”
Get married soon... wait till then for more sex. All the best.....
Source(s):
- DomesticGoddessLv 7il y a 6 ans
Properly used, birth control pills and condom for the next 5 years would prevent a pregnancy. The likelihood of both methods completely failing is amazingly small. You both want kids, so
The timing is the issue. On the off chance you end up pregnant, you're under no requirement to tell him anything. I don't really agree with the whole "behind the back" and dishonesty thing, but
I think the chances of you getting pregnant are just not that significant and not worth tossing away an otherwise good relationship.
- Ranchmom1Lv 7il y a 6 ans
It's a good thing you were talking about something so important now. This might be a deal breaker in your relationship. If you did get pregnant, and did abort, he would likely and understandably have a hard time moving past that.
My mother seriously considered aborting me. There is nothing anyone could say, no argument that anyone could make, that would convince me that abortion is okay.
