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My life is at a tipping pont?
Hi people, gonna tell you a little about me I really hope that you see were I am coming from. I tend to avoid people. In all honesty the terrify me. In fact its the whole of the outside world it scares me. Anything can happen out there where almost everything is so unexpected. How am I supposed to deal with that. I rarely seek out human contact and its a relief when I get home, close the door and any contact with the world is up to me. I feel so uncomfortable around people they can pick up on it it an sure. I struggle to speak to anyone and my mind is a constant blank. I never initiate conversation and only respond to questions asked with as few words as possible. Not conciously trying to end it but my mind freezes.
Weed, recently bought some after a two absence as a treat. I was a heavy smoker before. It was a "**** it" which is something I need to cut out. I want to stop smoking and smoking weed especially but find quitting either very had. Had 9 days without smoking anything. 9 days is my best in a long time). Thats been finished for 4 days now and I have no plans to buy any more.
Just had a thought about Facebook, for the 1st time what I put up there will have some impact. I normally just put up random ****, plagiarize funny tweets/facebook statuses or random conversations or pictures. Now I work with people who will read it. Done so much agency in the past I was always in and out of jobs so no lasting friendships. I normally tell lies to get out of soial situations and now trhese can be traced back to me.
I have let myself get swallowed up. My lonely plod through life is about to be exposed. For almost 15 I have only one friend. I don't stay in touch with anyone because I don't know how to make social bonds let alone making them last. I'm scared to make friends. I have left my family as I am so ashamed of who I am. I have thought on more than one occasion that I'd be better off dead. It has brought me to tears on 6 ish occasions. Just had the thought that I am having a moment of clarity. I know I am better off drugs. Feel like I am at a tipping point. I need to find out who I want to be and start living that life. I dont feel like I have any sense of identity after my self imposed exile from the world.
I find it hard to process the information that I hear. I uderstand the word but "the fear" of someone talking to me means I only hear the words not the actual meaning of the sentances being spoken.
The choice is mine and the one I make is one I am gonna be living for the rest of my days and I really need help to make the right choices. I have a chance for a fresh start..... Mish has invited me to a party and its made me awkward that she is so keen. I have a self destruct and keep myself doing nothing. Looking at the same website just so I don't have to think. Sport, footy even though I have not interest.
In short...I want to stop being afaid of people and the world. I want to know how to make and keep friendships. I want a social life. I want to take part in life. I want contact with my family.
What help can I get?
I am in no way religious. Respect to those who are but praying won't do it for me.
3 réponses
- il y a 8 ans
Ever take the time to realize that all the questions on here on mental disorders or problems with one self tend to be freaking long?
It's because we think so much about a negative moment we incurred that we add so much self negative commentary within our mind and we believe that's how it actually went down.
Example: I tripped a 3 step flight of stairs, I fall down and get back up.
I may think "f+ck people are gonna think i'm a dork" or "people are gonna be rude to me about it"
We think for other people and we believe it to be true. When you embarrass yourself laugh it off, laughing is a positive emotion which like the Law of Attraction states "like attracts like" Someone may laugh so what i'm sure somebody in the world trips everyday, sure I do laugh when somebody falls but if i'm near them I act like i didn't even see that to not be rude.
Try this it's very helpful word from an expert in life
David Wygant
Source(s) : you have a fresh start every single day when you wake up to re create yourself EVERY DAY read and realize: http://www.davidwygant.com/blog/recreate-yourself/... - ?Lv 4il y a 4 ans
each physique is judged for some thing, does not count what skin shade any each physique is there is often somebody who has some thing to assert approximately us, particularly as women- purely that actuality on my own units against a heavy tide. in case you experience somebody is being racist to you upward push up for your self and don't subject approximately what others think of of you for doing that. you have a suited to guard your thoughts and delight and you have a suited to remind human beings of their lack of expertise in the event that they provide you reason to. If there are stupid human beings (white or in any different case) in this international who choose to choose on skin shade then their very own stupidity and lack of expertise will seal their destiny they are going to be their very own down fall. seem how stable you're, do no longer forget which you're who you're and you haven't any longer something to be embarrassed approximately and you decide on no longer clarify your self to every person. If lack of expertise makes you indignant, and that make you an 'indignant black female' then be that female and be her proudly given which you do no longer stand for any crap from any ignorant bigots and that's some thing you are going to be pleased with.
- il y a 8 ans
you should fast and pray. I know the world is a scary place but you need to depend on God for protection. Infact, the Holy ghost not only protects you, but loves you
EDIT: I wasn't that religious, I was a really bad person trust me. I even wanted to kill myself because I was being bullied but then one day I came into the classroom and it stopped! There is power in prayer. God can do anything, your situation isn't a problem God can't handle. Besides, it looks like you don't have any other option. You need God, we all do <3
Source(s) : Apostolic Pentecostal
