My stepson is mad at me and I blame his mother and father?

Question

About a week ago my perfect 14 year old stepson started acting out toward me and his dad. He won't talk to us and he seems really angry. I asked him what was going on and found out his MIA mother has been calling and asking him to come visit her in Minneapolis. The problem is she lives with a drug dealer and is a chronic alcoholic who lost my stepson to foster care for abusing him five years ago. The answer is no in my eyes because I love him dearly, I also work in law enforcement and what kind of hypocrite would I be to let him go there? He worked with his 18 year old sister and she agreed to have him stay with her. His dad said it was ok but found out later that his sister also lives with a drug dealer. His dad had to tell him that he changed his mind and that caused my stepson to get even more angry and act out. His dad has never really disciplined him, I would if it was necessary but now they are both acting like they want me to stay out of the entire situation.

Anonyme · Accepted Answer

Your step-son is trying to re-establish a relationship with his mother, trying to please her, and understand what went wrong in their relationship.  You know what the problem is, so does his dad, but in his eyes, you guys are preventing him from reuniting with his mother.  

Of course I don't know all the details, but I don't think discipline is the issue with your step-son.   It isn't his father's fault.  Your step-son is just hungry for some answers and resolution, and it is obviously very difficult for him to understand this difficult and complex situation.

Maybe, for now, stay out of this situation.  Give input when asked, and let father and son sort out this situation.  I know that must be very difficult to do, but you don't want your step-son to resent you in the future thinking that you never allowed him to reunite with his mom.  Let him get dissappointed without your help.
Good Luck!

Anonyme · Answer

this is very hard for u
umm dont let him go,if u love him enough be like NO
if hes over thr ,he might be into drugs.
it sounds like he has a good life where he is 
hes only acting out because hes mad at his mom
his dad needs to be more strict
you should stay in this situation 
talk to ur stepson  but if he doesnt want to talk leave him alone
but dont let him go plz!!

cutegirl4219 · Answer

wow i totaly understand like they already have a bond cuz they had a family before you. How about you agree wit hthem but ask them to meet at a public place or you take a trip there with your husband and stepson and stay at a hotel and let your stepson visit with your supervision. 

Its odd that your husband is on his ex's side if she abused her son before he should not want her to see him at all.

Anonyme · Answer

I would just explain to him the importance of his safety. Let him know how much his father and you care for him and if his mom truely was to clean up and live in a safe place that he could see her. But that isnt the circumstances and thats out of yalls control. He will eventually get over it, they always do. I had a stepmom growing up and we always butted heads but now im thankful for her and how much she loved me. And even though I wasnt her child she still looked out for me and treated me as if I were. She always disciplined me like I was her own. And I still love her.

Anonyme · Answer

I think you know what's right for YOUR child. 
Don't give in. Let the mother visit you in your home. If she loves him and misses him, let her prove it. Let her know you'd be more comfortable to start a trusting relationship with her if she could meet you half way. Then go from there.

tawny g · Answer

not all situations can be fixed.  you married into a mess.  fact.  looks like there will be alot of fallout.  best to steer clear of whatever you can and not get too mixed up in it.  if you made kids with the husband, remove them from the situation, if it becomes an unhealthy environment.

Bilinda G · Answer

Sometimes its best for you to let him go and find out for himself what his mom is really like.  You can't protect him forever unfortunately.  Let him go for a week and see how life is like on the other side.  It might prove to be the best thing you can do for him.

? · Answer

The counseling prefer that stands proud is between you and your husband. you won't be able to alter the mum, yet you could exchange your self and with a bit of luck impression your husband. I additionally do no longer hear an outpouring of love from you with reference on your stepkids. i could completely be misreading what you wrote in this YA sterile environment, yet interior the scenario you describe him puking, and then say "i grew to become into advantageous to the boy" as though he grew to become into some stranger. in case you provide those teenagers one hundred% mommy love, no count number what, daily they're with you, issues will strengthen. i'm no longer saying all of their issues would be solved, even if it is going to strengthen them. as quickly as I hear you're saying that they could be extra effective off being with their alcoholic mom extra in lots of situations, your dedication to them looks much less then one hundred% commence with your self, then artwork on your husband and pass from there.

*) ayla · Answer

support youre husband in his decisions otherwise YOU will be the one that they blame.  if the parents arent good parents...youve been watching it for at least 5 yrs now, why do you think you have any power now?  give a few good suggestions but nothng more....your hsb doesnt want your opinion, only your support in whatever decision he makes.

random · Answer

i think that the boy is just feeling as if you and your husband are trying to keep him away from his mother have you tried to explain clearly why he cannot go i think that would help
be careful he may try to runaway from home to go to his mother or somewhere else

My stepson is mad at me and I blame his mother and father?

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